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My wife had a complete meltdown and I had to call 911, now I’m scared for mine and our newborn daughter’s safety
My wife(24F) and I(26M) have been together for 3 1/2 years and married 1 year. She is diagnosed bipolar and has struggled with treatment on the medicinal side our entire relationship and the therapist side until a few months ago. She’s been on numerous medication combos, but we found out she was pregnant this past December so she adjusted to more pregnancy friendly meds. She had a really rough pregnancy mentally, especially the 3rd trimester. When our daughter was born in August, she was happy at first, but it wore off after about a week or so. I expected her to develop post partum depression, but it felt like it was actually starting before the baby was born. She has been unable and unwilling to care for the baby the entire time she’s been alive, and started to voice resentment after she was about 3-4 weeks old. At this point I’m not quite sure if this was a trigger or something that expedited what was going to happen anyways or if it was even related at all, but when the baby was around 2 weeks old I was feeding her and adjusted her to burp her. She coughed and was having some trouble breathing which I patted her back and cleared, but this seemingly broke my wife. I was trying to ease into creating a system where we shared equal responsibility, but after that happened she refused to touch her at all and even now will not feed her if I’m not in the room. Her mental state began to deteriorate from there.
She was becoming more irritable and the voicing of resentment increased. The last week of september / first week of october we had quite a rough week and either the night of the 30th or the 1st she got furious at me over something small and after I got upset it made her angrier so she essentially verbally abused me then went to sleep. Unfortunately this bipolar (I assume) induced verbal abuse has been a mainstay in our relationship and I have poorly handled it and tried to control it, not that I think I’m able to control it. The next morning, we had a conversation in our living room, I don’t recall the specifics. At this point, she was in a depressed state but also still in an very angry mood. She started crying and asking me to let her die and then proceeded to bang her head against a wall. I jumped in and held her to try to comfort her, but she got out of the chair she was in and started running towards the kitchen. She was going for the kitchen knives. I jumped up and chased, but she tripped over her feet and fell. I laid there with her and held her as we calmed down together. I told her she had to get help, and fast. She agreed to go voluntarily to an inpatient facility. Something in hindsight I deeply regret however, is that our wedding anniversary was the 5th and we still went through with our plans, so she didn’t go until the 6th. There were a few times where she tried to get out of going by saying she wasn’t prepared, but she did end up going. She was there for 6 days.
After the first night, she sounded like she was getting better. She was telling me and the baby how much she loves us and how she can’t wait to take care of her when she comes back. She truly seemed like she was turning a corner. As far as medicine is concered, nothing was changed and one medication was added. It’s called concerta and is used to treat ADD/ADHD. Her sister had started taking it and based on the benefits that she recieved from it, and the feeling like there were similar symptoms, she wanted to get it as well. It was a mistake. If that medicine is not right for you, it has an opposite effect on you. It’s normally supposed to calm you and it did the opposite. The week she was home she was very jittery, restless, and more irritable. Her adoptive mom picked her up from the facility since they live much closer than we do and I couldn’t get there as soon. The baby and I were waiting there when they made it back. She did take the baby and change her diaper, but then left her laying on a couch ottoman and walked away. She didn’t hold the baby the rest of the day and minimally this week. The level of care she has given to our daughter has not changed. We went to the local walgreens to get her prescriptions and while being out, she went off on me. Nothing changed at all. I talked to her Friday and told her that I felt nothing had changed. She told me I was overreacting.
Now to yesterday. She chose to sleep on the couch the previous night due to discomfort on the bed. The baby and I were in the bedroom with the baby monitor connected to the living room so she could hear. The baby started stirring so I began to stir as well. She barged in soon after and started berating me about her whining and that her lullaby music I play on a speaker was too loud, and also that it smelled like cat pee in the living room. She calms down and goes back to lie on the couch and I go to work. One of my jobs is stocking bread at our local walmart, so I was gone for about 90 minutes. She calls me to complain about the baby crying and that she had a poop blowout. She randomly hangs up on me while I’m on my way home so I panic and haul ass the rest of the way. I rush inside and she’s laying on the couch. She begins to talk to me about how she hates her life and wants out of this life. I tell her there is a way out if she wants it, it being divorce. She avoids the question by telling me things that I have done wrong, such as not calling daycares. She says she hates our daughter, doesn’t want anything to do with her and that she hates me. She keeps telling me to go away but also continues to talk to me. She goes into the kitchen to get a canned soda. One of our cats is near her and she begins to threaten the cat. She then gets the can and throws it at the cat, then picks it up and throws it again at which point it explodes in our living room. She then throws it outside. At this point I’m beginning to get visibly upset. She gets up and goes to the kitchen a second time to make a protien shake. She goes to get some ice cubes from the freezer and they’re not coming out. She opens the door and starts smashing the container that holds the ice as hard as she can. I say her name to get her attention and screams “WHAT” as loud as she can. I flinch and start crying. She screams at me again and screams “WHY ARE YOU FLINCHING” I begin to hyperventilate, but she keeps doing what she’s doing. She finishes making her shake and sits on the couch. She proceeds to tell me how this situation is my fault and how she told me to go away but I didn’t. She then says “I’m sorry”. I make a mistake and say “You’re not sorry”. She says “Fuck you then” and grabs her car keys and walks to the car. I follow close behind. She gets in her car and begins to back up, but as I walk her way she puts the car in drive and punches the gas to act like she’s going to hit me. She gets out of her car and I start having a panic attack outside in our carport. She walks past me going inside and says “Don’t do this outside get the fuck over yourself and come inside” I eventually get inside and she’s in the bedroom. There are 2 instances in which she was in our bedroom during this and I don’t quite recall what happened when so what I say happened the first time we were in there may have actually happened the second time and vice versa. She started screaming again and the baby is in the bedroom in her swing so she starts crying. She then screams at our 8 week old daughter to “SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU PIECE OF SHIT” I’m hysterical now, and she then proceeds to walk briskly, not running to risk tripping, towards the kitchen. She grabs a knife and I then push her over the sink and she then drops the knife. I get her to the ground and I call 911. During this she is trying to bite me and trying to knock the phone out of my hand. She starts begging me to stop and says that she’s fine because she realizes that the police are coming. She goes into the bedroom, grabs some electronics and throws them on the ground. She stands in front of her nightstand where her medicine is kept and threatens to take all her medicine. I’m still on the phone with 911 and the police arrive within 2-3 minutes. When the police knocked on the door we went to the door together and 3 officers came in. She tried to tell them we were just having an argument and she grabbed the knife to “show me how serious she was” but it didn’t work and she was handcuffed. She was taken to the local hospital and after several hours there she was taken by county sherrif to a different mental health facility. What was remarkable was that she talked to me on the phone as if nothing happened.
I’m still numb 36 hours later. I am terrified for myself and more importantly my daughter. The thing that gets me the most is that I went to work and left her alone with my wife who less than 2 hours later had a complete meltdown. I know that I didn’t know what was going to happen but it gets me that something could have happened. I’m not quite sure what I should do. Naturally the most popular option is to leave with the baby. Unfortunately it’s not so simple. The fact is, I love my wife dearly and even now want it to work. I am prepared to act if it will not work, but also I care about her well being. I’m afraid of what would happen if I’m not around anymore. Also, childcare is not lined up, we are on numerous waiting lists. Until childcare is arranged, I can’t return to my primary job. My paid parental leave ended on the 16th and I arranged to take all of my vacation time for another 2 weeks as a result of the first incident. I have arranged to take personal leave but it’s unpaid, so I’m kind of stuck in that regard. I will not allow her to be alone with the baby so something has to be arranged before I return to work. I have a niece that lives near, but I require at least 50 hours plus and she has a 1 year old of her own. It would just be too much to handle.
An additional thing that really disturbs me is that there are some things I have found out about her childhood. She was physically abusive to her family. She and her siblings were abused by their parents and she brought it to her family. She snapped her brother’s leg, she slammed her sister’s hand in a car door, she hit and tripped her grandfather, and beat her grandmother, who was sick and later succumed to cancer, until her face was purple.
I’m just at a loss with this situation. I appreciate anyone who reads this and provides any input. I knew this would be long, but I wanted to keep it less than novel length. Feel free to ask any questions for any further context. Thank you.
So yesterday night I was bored so I wrote this story and posted it here, some people liked it and asked me to continue it so yolo I guess.
Also chapter 1 is what I wrote yesterday, chapter 2 is what I added to the story. I also fixed some narrative, punctuation and grammatical errors from chapter 1. Hope you guys enjoy this trip full of cliches ;)
Also sorry for some bad English, I'm from Malaysia, not a native speaker here.
It's 1 am so I'm writing this half asleep so if the story doesn't make sense blame god for inventing sleep.
Hi there, my name is Mark Stone, if you're reading this letter right now, you probably knew what happened to me. You must be sad and confused right now, but I would like to tell you about everything, how it all started, how I met the love of my life, Nicole Bennett.
It was the December of 2015, I forgot which day it was but I remembered that it was at night and it was snowing heavily, I couldn't see what was in front of me, it was as if I was transformed into the same universe at The Mist. I bumped into this girl, she was the most beautiful girl I had ever saw, she had blond hair and perfect blue eyes, I was an average ugly awkward high schooler so I was completely shocked and didn't know what to say. Her books fell after I bumped into her so I helped her pick it up, I just couldn't help but stare at her beauty, she also wore a grey hoodie (I have a thing for hoodies). While I was helping her pick my the books, she kept repeating "sorry", it was in the cutest and most sincere voice I've ever heard. I didn't expect to see anyone here late at night since it was snowing heavily, so I asked her:
Me: "Why are you out here? It's late and it's snowing like crazy."
Nicole: "Let's go somewhere to talk, you probably don't want to talk with snow in our mouth. Let's go to my house, it's not far from here."
Me: "Sure, if my mom was here she would have probably gone crazy, she always told me not to go with strangers into their houses."
Nicole: "Hah you're funny, I'm already starting to like you."
After we arrived, I quickly analyzed her house, it was so...colorful, it was a wooden cabin in the middle of the woods, her cabin had a natural smell that I don't even know how to describe, the cabin had a special warmth and charm to it. I sat down on her comfy couch and asked her the question I asked before:
Me: "So as I was saying before you brought me into your house, what were you doing out there?"
Nicole: "I was walking home after I finished working at the library, hence why was I carrying so many books. My parents are poor and their earnings are simply not enough to support our household. I also have a brother as well, his name is Jamie, he's sleeping upstairs by the way so we better be quiet."
Me: "Speaking of your parents, where are them?"
Nicole: "They're still working."
Me: "But it's.....3 am."
Nicole: "They had to work overtime everyday, they have to work until 4 am, have 5 hours of sleep then go back to work again at 10 am, they barely have any free time. Despite this, we still live in a shitty cabin. People may feel pity for us, but we have gotten used to that kind of life. Anyways, I've just realized, we have been talking for a few minutes now and we haven't even exchange our names yet, my name's Nicole, what about you?"
Me: "My names Mark, nice to meet you, don't say that about your cabin, I think it looks special and it feels comfy and warm, it's that warmth that modern homes doesn't have."
Nicole: "I guess you're right, hey we should exchange numbers, you seem like a really good guy and since I don't have many friends, maybe we could start talking?'
Me: "Sure, I'd love to."
We exchanged numbers.
Me: "I'll be leaving now, if you need anyone to talk to or vent to, I'm always here."
Nicole: "Thanks and have a safe walk home!"
While I was walking home I kept thinking of her, I couldn't concentrate on where I was going, it was as if I fell in love with her at first sight. When I arrived home I realized what a mess my house was compared to her house, despite living in a rich environment, I was never happy. My dad passed away in a air crash accident when I was 9 and my mom is always working, we also live with my sister Emma and my uncle Tommy, who helps my mom do all the housework. My mom is a famous businesswoman, hence why we live in such a rich environment. Despite this, I never connected with rich kids, I found myself making friends with poor kids, maybe because I think most rich kids are jerks who are spoiled.
I went up to my bedroom to see my uncle and sister sleeping.
Me: "Guess mom's still working again."
As I was getting ready to sleep, I heard my phone beeped and vibrate, my friends rarely texts me so I was curious to see who it might be, it turns out it was Nicole.
Me (texting): "Don't you think it's a bit late?"
Me (texting): "Do you miss me already?"
Nicole (texting): "Nah, I just forgot to ask you a question, do you go to Claymore high?"
Me (texting): "Yeah how did you know?"
Nicole (texting): "I think I've seen before, we go to the same school btw."
Me (texting): "That's cool I guess."
Nicole (texting): "Aren't you that kid who always eat alone at breaks, don't you have any friends?"
Me (texting): "I hate hanging out with rich kids, I connect with poor kids more, I hang out with them secretly. If the rich kids know that I've been making friends with the poor kids instead of them, they'll probably start bullying me. Besides, I like being alone at breaks, it helps me collect my thoughts."
Nicole (texting): "They probably don't care about you since you don't hang out with them at all, why would they start bullying you if they don't care about you?"
Me (texting): "I guess your kinda right."
Nicole (texting): "A horde is better than a lone wolf."
Nicole (texting): "So would you like to be friends with me? We can become our own horde...'
Me (texting): 'You're desperate for friends aren't you, we just met like what...a few hours ago and you're already asking me to be your friend? :P"
Nicole (texting): "Yea, I think my friend count is lower than -1"
Me (texting): "Sure, let's be friends"
Nicole (texting): "Woah, it's 4 am already, thank god it's Sunday tomorrow. Anyways I gotta sleep, I'm feeling really tired, have a good night's rest ^^"
Me (texting): "Goodnight, I'll talk to you tomorrow."
That night, I don't know why but.....I kept thinking about her. Who knew my life would change that night.
It had almost been 2 weeks since we meet each other, it might not seem like that long but during that time we spent a lot of time together, we spent almost every hour of our free time together, it was as if we couldn't live without each other, it was like if we were born to be a couple, we had so much in common, I've never connected to anyone more than her. I was surprised that no one wanted to be friends with her, she had so many talents, drawing, playing piano, singing etc, and she was so....beautiful. It was as if she had a secret, a secret that everybody knew so they wouldn't be friends with her.
It was the 12th December 2015, the day before Nicole's birthday, I was in bed scrolling through Twitter as usual, when she suddenly texted me.
Nicole (texting): "Hey handsome."
Me (texting): "Handsome?? 😳"
Nicole (texting): "XD well I'm turning 16 tomorrow, what do you want to do?"
Me (texting): "Idk, tomorrow is Sunday, I'll probably stay home and play some COD or Minecraft."
Nicole (texting): "Well, that's a shame, I have no one to hang out with on my birthday :("
Me (texting): "Hmmmm, maybe it's time that I actually start spending time with other human beings instead of playing video games everyday XD"
Me (texting): "Maybe I could hang out with you :p"
Nicole (texting): "That's great! I would love to hang out with my best friend on my birthday."
Me (texting); "Best friend?"
Nicole (texting): "Well since we don't hang out with other people as much as each other recently, I was wondering if we could be best friends? 😳"
At this moment I started feeling weird, I felt so happy, sure it can't be love, can it?
Me (texting): "Hell yea, best friends :)"
Nicole (texting): "Great! I thought it would be awkward but I'm glad you responded well."
Nicole (texting): "So where do you wanna meet?"
Me (texting): "It's your birthday so you should choose 😂"
Nicole (texting): "How about the park? I haven't been to the park in ages, does 2 pm sound good to you?"
Me (texting): "Yup! Have a good night's rest, you don't want to feel tired the whole day on your birthday :P"
Nicole (texting): "Hah, I won't trust me, also I'm definitely NOT expecting a birthday gift from you 😉"
Me (texting): "Haha I'm sure."
Nicole (texting): 'Anyways, it's late, goodnight! ^^"
Me (texting): "Goodnight ^^"
That night I couldn't stop thinking about what should I buy her, I wanted it to be a simple but meaningful present, after I kept turning my body around on my bed, I decided that I will decide it tomorrow and that I should get a good night's sleep first.
The next day I went into a small shop near the park, it was already 1:30 pm, I didn't know that my house was that far away from the park, and since uncle Tommy was buying groceries, I had to walk. I was panicking and I had to make a decision fast, I quickly picked up two items and asked the shop worker to wrap it.
When I arrived at the park it was already 2:10 pm, I could see Nicole waving at me near a swing. She wore another hoodie, this time the hoodie was red, while I just wore a random t-shirt with some jeans. I always wondered if she was trying to express her feelings through what she was wearing, because I realized that the more we hang out, the brighter the color of the hoodie she wore. I'm still amazed at how a girl can be so cute naturally without any makeup.
Me: "Sorry I'm late, I didn't know the park was that far awa-"
Nicole: "Don't worry, do you really think that I would be mad at my best friend for being late? Besides, you're only 10 minutes late, I have a lot of patience."
She looked at the present I was hiding behind my back. She giggled and said:
Nicole: "Next time hide your presents better, I can see you're hiding them behind your back, so obvious."
Nicole: "Let's take a quick walk before we open my present shall we?"
We walked and talked about ourselves, school and life in general for what seemed to be hours, we swung on swings and played with the children nearby just like as if we were still kids.
Nicole: "Don't you ever wish that you were still a child?"
Me: "No, why?"
Nicole: "When you're a child you don't have to worry about anything, you enjoy life as a child, but when you get older things start to get sad and depressing, you have to face the harsh reality of this world, you realize that the world is not colorful and happy, in fact it's dark and awful. I would rather live in an imaginary world where everything is positive rather than live in reality where everything is negative, I just miss the good old days you know? I'm already 16 and I don't have any goals or objectives in life, I just can't find any motivation to do anything, I just.....I want to die so badly.'
Tears started falling down Nicole's eyes
I was shocked at what she just said, I never knew she was this depressed on the inside, she was always a positive and outgoing girl on the outside. When I saw Nicole's tears, I couldn't help but help her wipe them off, I knew that she had gone through a lot in life, she never had any friends and she live in a awful environment. I hugged her and said:
Me: "Please don't cry, I know you never had any friends or people to rely on, but here I am, I'll always be there for you when you need me."
Nicole: "I'm sorry for that, just getting a little bit emotional on my birthday."
After that, I saw a busker playing guitar near us. I pointed to the busker and asked Nicole:
Me: "Hey, there's a busker there, he seems pretty good, do you want to go there and listen to him?"
Nicole: "Sure, I'd love to."
I asked the busker to play some calm and romantic music to calm Nicole down, the busker asked us:
Busker: "What brings you lovers here?"
Nicole blushed after hearing what the busker said. I awkwardly corrected him:
Me: "Oh...oh no, we're just best friends, it's her birthday today actually, we're just having a walk."
The busker giggled and said:
Busker: "Oh "best friends"? Really?"
Now we're both blushing hard.
Nicole talked to me about her problems and I asked her to start imagining a better future, a future where she's happy, where she's settled down, a future so good that would overlap what the past did to hurt her. She closed her eyes and started her imagination while we listened to the busker's guitar music for a good 10 minutes. During that time, I couldn't help but stare at her, I thought to myself:
Me: "Ah Mark stop! Why are you being such a creep?!"
Suddenly, she opened her eyes, she looked at me with a cute and sincere smile and said:
Nicole: "I hope you're part of my future."
I was speechless, was she trying to signal me something? I panicked and responded with:
Me: "I hope so too."
I didn't know what to say, that just came out of my mouth out of nowhere and I was embarrassed by it, we both blushed hard.
We listened to the busker for about a good 20 minutes more before we decided that we would open her present. I tipped the busker and he winked at me, till this day, I still don't know who that busker was but I swear to god that I will forever remember him.
We sat on a bench and she started opening up her presents, the present I gave her was a polaroid camera and an album. After she opened it I said:
Me: "I hope that we'll have many more amazing moments together, you can bring this camera everywhere and every time we have a unforgettable moment, you can take a picture and put it into this album, by the time we have our last breath, I hope we can fill this album up."
Nicole hugged me and started crying.
Nicole: "I don't know if we'll ever fill this album up but there's one thing that I'm sure of, and that's the fact that we'll be friends forever. Thank you so much Mark, this might be the best present I've ever gotten in my life."
I always thought it was funny that we went from complete strangers to "best friends forever" in 2 weeks, you'll never know what god throws at you in life, she just suddenly came into my life out of nowhere.
It was getting late so I offered to walk her home, before we started going home, we saw a poster on a shop that said that there was going to be a firework show at 11 am, I offered her to watch it with me, she responded with:
Nicole: "Won't your mom be mad at you?"
Me: "She never cares about me, all she cares about is money, I'm pretty sure she won't even realize that I'm not home."
Nicole: "Hey! Don't say that, you mom works so much isn't because she wants to get away from your family, she wants to earn as much money as possible so she can support your household.'
Me: "You don't get it Nicole....she......she..."
I couldn't say it.
Nicole: "What's the matter?"
My mom had a dark secret that only I knew, something that I've yet to confront her. I just couldn't tell Nicole....at least not yet.
Me: "I guess you're right, hey look! Here comes the fireworks!"
The fireworks were beautiful, it was a whole new experience for me, I've never watched fireworks with someone else before, every Christmas or new years I would always be lonely. I turned to Nicole and I just couldn't help but stare at her beauty once again, she was prettier than the stars, prettier than the fireworks, she shined the brightest amongst all of them. Thinking about it now, I wondered if she ever knew that I was staring at her, maybe she knew and she let me stare, maybe she knew that I had a little tiny crush on her already.
We saw everyone around us holding hands, she turned to me and asked:
Nicole: "Can we uh.....hold hands?"
Nicole: "Everyone around us is holding hands, it would be weird if we didn't. But I don't want to make them think that we're...dating."
Me: "Who cares what they think, the most important thing is that we'll enjoy the fireworks and have a great time."
She grabbed my hand and said:
Nicole: "But can we still hold hands?"
Me: "Sure, it's your birthday, I'll do anything for you."
I saw her blushed in the cutest way possible, god she was so cute I wish you could see her.
Her hands were cold and soft, it seems like I could easily break her bones if I pressed her hand too hard, I'm not even a strong man.
She suddenly took out her polaroid camera and said:
Nicole: "Let's take a picture and put it in the album!"
We posed for the picture and she put it inside her album.
After the fireworks I asked her:
Me: "So what did you think of the fireworks?"
Nicole: "It was...special, it might be the best firework show I've ever watched."
Me: "Same here."
We sat down on the grass and looked up to the sky, the stars were absolutely beautiful.
Me: "Do you think that every time someone dies, they get reincarnated into a star?"
Nicole: "No, where did you get that idea?"
Me: "I'd like to think that once you die, you get reincarnated into a star, every star represents a person's story, they are watching us creating our new stories while their stories is being stored with them up there with billions and trillions of stars."
Nicole: "If that's true, I hope that I'll get to have my star be near yours when I die. You're the most special person I've ever met in my life, I've never been able to connect with any person as much as you."
We slept on the grass looking at the beautiful stars and talking about our lives. After a while, I looked at my watch, it was already 2 am, the park was now empty, we were so focused on talking and enjoying the stars that we forgot our surroundings.
I walked her to her cabin, before she went in, she said:
Nicole: "Mark, thanks for spending the day with me, this is the best birthday of my life...no...the best day of my life."
Me: "You're welcome, that's the least a best friend could do, I hope to spend many future birthdays with you."
She took out her Polaroid camera and we posed for another picture.
Nicole gave me a small kiss on the cheek before she ran inside her cabin, I blushed and smiled while walking my way home. When I went inside my house, my mom, sister and uncle were already sleeping, I couldn't even bothered to be angry that they didn't call to check on me, I took a quick shower and brushed my teeth before going to bed, despite not eating dinner, I'm not feeling hungry at all. I tucked myself inside my blankets and whispered something before I went to sleep:
Me: "Thank you Nicole, today was the best day of my life as well."
god this took me long enough
you might realize this is a repost, original one had too many errors lol